If we were having coffee I wouldn’t order cake. I know I said I always would. It’s ok, I’m ok. It’s been quite the month of cake.
It started with my nieces 7th birthday at the start of April, and ended with my 34th birthday near the end. We are the type of people that celebrate with multiple cakes on multiple occasions.
So today mine is a decaffeinated tea with skinny milk and a side of water in a glass.
If we were having coffee I’d ask if you knew when summer was starting? We had that nice weekend, do you remember it? Around Easter time. It got my hopes up and then it rained forever after. I don’t function very well in the cold, my joints go all stiff and my fingers can’t move. I’m still having five blankets and two hot water bottles in bed. I have a hot water bottle right now at 6pm on the 30th April. That’s not right is it?!
I’d also ask if you were struck by storm Hannah?! She was brief yet rather forceful, like a toddler during the terrible twos. She totally screwed with my hair. The one day I decide to leave the house was when she visited. That’s how my life tends to go.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you I’m a millionaire. I just need to reply to those emails I keep getting and claim my fortune.
While on the subject of annoying emails, I’d tell you I’m raged with Pizza Hut. I ordered a delivery once, at least four years ago, and now they won’t leave me alone. Like a needy friend, that just decided they’re your friend. I get a text every weekend without fail, sometimes two. It’s bordering on harassment with them trying to lure me in to their dodgy, stodgy un-Italian pizza. On top of that they invite me to buffet, it’s even available on a Sunday now. I know because I went. Twice. They’ve stopped the pasta salad and cous cous, what kind of buffet is that?!
If we were having coffee you’d know how much I love a buffet. Not. I can’t think of much worse. Unlimited food that I do not eat, that has been touched and breathed on by multiple humans, including the tiny ones that haven’t learned about hygiene yet. I have a thing about germs, but that’s ok when being ill is as awkward as it is for me.
You’d probably tell me about the unsubscribe link, that every person has the right to change their mind. I’d tell you the button doesn’t work. I’ve tried.
If we were having coffee I’d tell you that not only is a plastic straw the perfect drinking implement, it is also my cats new favourite toy. Jumping on all fours, carrying it around in his mouth. A whole climbing frame and they didn’t want to know. But stealing my straw, that’s the highlight of their day. And mine.
So if that isn’t reason enough to produce environmentally friendly alternatives I don’t know what is.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that I never realised how annoying it was being a child that keeps saying ‘what’, until I had a child (not mine) keep saying ‘what’. She can hear me, I know she can. And why is it she can pronounce a t in every other word, but ‘whhaaa’ doesn’t follow those rules. Oh and ‘threenager’ is definitely a thing.
I am sorry for all the times I said ‘whhaaa’ for no known reason. I never will again.
While on the subject of children I would tell you my friends and I had a conversation about star charts. One of us confessed that they reward themselves with chocolate after doing tasks and chores (yes we are all 30ish). So I felt that might be a great way to get my focus focussed. Only with tea.
I gave it a go. No more teas until I’ve written two paragraphs. It’s surprising how well it works even though it’s my rules in my head.
If we were having coffee I would update you on the new wheels situation. I’d tell you my new wheelchair arrived. I used it for two days. One of those days I went to bed at 7pm, and the second day I quit and got back into my old chair before 1pm. I’ve been in the old trusty wheels since.
Having wheels isn’t as straightforward as you’d like to think. Sitting for 12-14 hours isn’t either. I dare you to try it. You will not move your legs at all, or shuffle your bum. If you do then you’ll need to explain and direct every minute movement to another human who will then mostly miss interpret what you’ve specified, which is left or right, and put your leg in a totally different place to the one your brain did.
If we were having coffee I would recommend you a couple of reads. The first being a book I read a few weeks ago that totally changed my perspective. I’ve been in hospital more times than I care to remember. Sometimes for long periods of time, sometimes for Christmas and often seriously ill. These people have saved my life, but also frustrated me. ‘This Is Going To Hurt: Secret Diaries Of A Junior Doctor’ is a journal style book written by Adam Kay during his time working and studying in NHS hospitals. This hilarious, emotional honest and devastating read made me consider more the lives of those on the other side of the hospital curtains.
My second recommendation is a recent post from blogging pal Lorna over at Gin & Lemonade. ‘Disabled People Aren’t Superheroes’. This post just got me, like Lorna is inside my head and saying things better than I ever could.
The final one is kind of a read but also a brilliant tool. I think I’ve been a bit slow to discover this one! I’m not sure how long it’s been around but I do hope it continues to expand. Along with a blog covering different disability topics, AccessAble website and app are like an accessibility guide and database. I had a little browse and there are a few Norwich businesses on there, no where near enough. This tool describes in detail the access of a venue, restaurant, cinema etc. I mean it tells you the small things that no other website I’ve come across even considers. There are photos on entering buildings, inside them, measurements of door widths and table heights, flooring materials, hearing loops, braille information. It tells me if straws are available, takeaway cups and cutlery, whether there is background music or distracting screens. This is stuff I don’t even think about. Crucial stuff for some people. Just like I may need a straw to drink independently, another person may struggle with flashing screens. I urge you to give this website a peruse. Even if you don’t have any access requirements. It’s good to be aware.
If we were having coffee what would you tell me?